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Saturday, December 20th, 2008
11:31 pm - soup date
here i am.


i have been doing lots. working a lot. spending lots of time lots of places, it seems.

met some new people lately. new cool people. its weird. i don't really meet new people hahah.

i will be going back to school shortly, too. daunting though it is.

i think i'll be moving again this spring. probably not far...but the whole school thing i'll have to think of staying close to there AND work. Being grown up is fuckin dumb.

(7 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
7:27 am - no, no i havent
i havent posted here in a while.

cuz...well i bascially thought it sucked

and you know...it probably did. does. something

yeah. but you know...all my other outlets are clogged with people ignoring me. and this has almost no one on it so.


and i set my head down for a minute and now i forgot what i was saying. or talking about. or wanted to talk about.

ive slept 7 of the past 48 hours or so.

(2 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Thursday, January 31st, 2008
12:51 am

(5 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Sunday, January 13th, 2008
8:29 am - i told you so
You're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I want to go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes around by chance
Or only one way that it was always meant to be
You kill me
You always know the perfect thing to say
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up, put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmiser song goes:
'It's just like being alone...'

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means
You kill me
You've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes
I know what I should do but I just can't turn away

So go on, love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Got to take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
And so much regret
I know what you want to say
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you
And I should have said it
But tell me
Just what has it ever meant

I can't help it baby
This is who I am
Sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel
You kill me
You build me up but just to watch me break
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away

(1 splash | please come dive in puddles with me)

Tuesday, November 6th, 2007
12:39 pm
dear people,

you know what, lets skip the pleasantries. i won't give you a "hows it goin" or a "whats up". lets get into it, yeah? so anyway people, like i was saying: fuck you (exceptions to be noted later). Who in the fuck do you think you are? Every single one of you...i have stuck up for ALL of you at one point or another. and i dont mean stuck up for like "meh, whatever". I mean i've put myself as a fuckin person and a human being on the fucking table for you. In times when people would like to spit on your fucking carcass. making excuses here and there. apparently though, that one was MY mistake

let it be said: am i always easy to get along with? no. am i pretty self-righteous? hell yes. pain in the ass? you bet. but i have never fuckin thrown you to the god damned wolves. i hope...i dont even know...i hope you got some kind of good value out of all this or it makes you feel really good to counter-balance all the bullshit.

ps. its up to you and its your fucking choice, isnt it

(5 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Sunday, August 12th, 2007
10:14 am - i second that emotion
new song

'what i did on my summer vacation'


(please come dive in puddles with me)

Thursday, July 19th, 2007
12:57 pm
You fucking live in shit
You eat shit
You mean shit
You’re all fucking shit
You mean shit

i fuckin dare you. try that shit on me.

(4 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
5:58 am - good afternoon good evening and good night
tonight was a good night.

like i dont really have gooooood nights. but it was good

last night at like 1am i found out tim was coming down today hahah.

me tim and josie, we had pizza...anyone that knows me knows thats a good time automatically.

went home. and watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. i saw it once a while ago and really liked it. but tonight...something about it. i REALLY really liked it. really good. pretty fucked up

so afterwards josie went to sleep. tim and i went outside so tim could smoke and what i think we both thought was, soon to be, tim leaving. this is about 12am or so. tim has a cigarette. and another and another. and we are talking and talking. 4:25 talkin. time to go in, get shoes, pop a caffiene and head to work at the gym.

tired. so worth it. so worth it. tim and i. we're like THIS *does the fingers pointing to the eyes back and forth thing*

it was a good night. and. too...short. it was too short. seriously. thankfully tho -- i guess -- i had to go to work...cuz otherwise i'd still be standing outside talking. probly all day. seriously.

so i havent posted on here in a while. this weekend i went to virginia. interesting stuff. i got there and surprised the shit outta my dad. he didnt know i was coming cuz it was a surprise for his bday and fathers day (17th and 18th). i dont really have money...so my parents flew me out and for a present i played a song and sang. i did, cheesy as it is, greenday 'time of your life'. it was his 50th bday...so not only was it just appropriate for the occasion...but also, i played that song the first time i ever played in front of a group of people. it was a talent show in japan that i played with my friend Chris. and that was the first time my parents saw me really play especially in front of people. so. it worked. it was odd...cuz i was outside and there were a buncha people there...its harder for me to sing in front of a buncha people i know than a bunch i dont know.

i also met my sister's "new" boyfriend. they've been dating for a little over a year. but i havent been around va since then so i havent met him. she hasnt dated the most....savory of characters for the past few years...so to say i was skeptical is an understatement. but i met him and he was a really nice guy. like, he gets along with everyone. really geniunely nice, downhome, southern kid. we got along pretty well. that makes me happy.

im back home. ive been tired. i didnt sleep a whole lot over there. my parents just seem to have alcohol all over the place now that i dont live there. so i drank a LOT while i was there. it was great. i enjoyed myself a lot.

(6 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Thursday, May 17th, 2007
3:45 pm
im feelin ok!

(please come dive in puddles with me)

Sunday, May 13th, 2007
9:11 am
so yesterday i looked in the mirror and was like "wow i look like crap" and was trying to figure out why...i realized it was my eyes. somewhere between band practice and klem's show i'd screamed enough to burst what seemed to be EVERY blood vessel under my eyes. and did not realize it til halfway thru yesterday. it was weird. and if i say so myself, that shits pretty hardcore

(4 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Saturday, May 12th, 2007
11:56 am
i feel unnaturally poorly today

which is odd considering how bad ive been feeling lately.

on the plus side, klems show last night was bad ass. best show they've ever put on. hellz yeah dude

(please come dive in puddles with me)

Thursday, May 10th, 2007
3:24 pm - take a wiz on consin
can anyone tell me who the fuck Todd Wehr is?

and why the hell Wisconsin has such an affinity for him.

and why in GODS GREEN NAME he needs 2 fucking theaters named after him...in the same general area. as well as multiple libraries.

i think hes the patron saint of dicks in the fuckin eye

fuck you, saint todd

(please come dive in puddles with me)

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007
6:58 pm
i had something to say here

but no one to say it to

also, that doesnt offend me

(please come dive in puddles with me)

Monday, May 7th, 2007
12:58 pm
i wish i was dead

hows everyone doing. how was your cinco de mayo (im looking at t-diddy here...i know you and your CC)

(6 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Friday, May 4th, 2007
6:46 pm
i dont feel good
i dont feel good
i dont feel good
i dont feel good

i will throw up.

i. do not. fucking. feel good.

wellp. im not sleeping tonight

(5 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
8:40 pm
those nachos smell fanTACular.......

(please come dive in puddles with me)

Monday, April 23rd, 2007
9:30 am - what the fuck do you mean "whats up"? nothings up, asshole
ive been working and working and trying to work.

ive been working at the gym...and my hours are tapering off there because i need to open up availability for elsewhere.

i worked at macy's for about 3 days. they said id get UP TO 20 hours a week. which isnt a ton for someone trying to support themSELVES, i tell ya what.

about the same time, i interviewed with office max. and soon after, i got hired there. so i quit macys and started at office max because they were paying a little more and i can only assume they would have the same, if not more hours.

last week sometime i had 2 interviews at target and i have a third coming up tomorrow (tuesday). i applied for asset protection/loss prevention/whateverwhoevercallsit. which will probly be more money and more hours STILL. hopefully *shrug*

im not allowed to have feelings

(4 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Thursday, April 19th, 2007
10:46 am - you stupid cunt
you dumb fucking whore.

you lie through your teeth about everything to everyone. you befriended people just because of your idiotic mistrust and you expect them to still like you?

your friends won't even come out and visit you unless they want to do something else in the area. maybe because you always make fun of them to all of your other friends. im sure they really appreciate the fact that youve called them whores, sheep, untrustworthy. im sure ryan and tara approve of the fact that you just talked shit about them the second they moved in. and when everyone else was saying they missed them, you were just talking about how they were leeches. im sure your EXhusband appreciates you making out with one of his best friends. its probly a good idea if you just blame him for it. good idea.

you said you dont say anything negative about me to anyone?! when anyone asks you say "oh, it just didnt work out". you fucking liar. you fucking lying 2 faced whore. youre like everyone else in your fucking family. and you'll never fucking overcome it. you may make more money but you'll never surpass being that ignorant little girl that cant fucking take responsibility for her actions. that cant stop playing fucking mind games. that cant stop blaming EVERY outside action for her fucking problems.

youre alone. no one actually likes you outside the entertainment factor of an overdramitc whore. youre 'friends' dont like you. your family doesnt like you. your family which you helped out could give a fuck less about you.

you'll always be alone you fucking cunt. youre going to die alone and i will breathe a sigh of relief. the world will be better off

fuck you

(please come dive in puddles with me)

Thursday, April 12th, 2007
3:51 pm - if im just bad news, then you're a liar
if you ever fucking lie to me again, i'll fucking break your throat

(2 splashs | please come dive in puddles with me)

Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
5:47 pm - the official US time is...17:51:30
so this computer doesnt have a clock on it...which ive never really heard of...and the admin options are disabled of course...so i had to go to http://www.time.gov to find out the time. i always knew there was a website for EVERYTHING.

the power is out at Ye Olde Casa so im at the library right now. and i gotta say...while the naperville libraries are NICER than chicago...and i've NEVER had to wait for a computer out here...theres still a level of...belligerence thats missing...a certain "je ne sais homeless".

speaking of "je ne sais..."... i dont know...i just dont know...seriously

f u ckf u c kfu c k fuc k f uck f u ckf u c kfu c k fuc k f uck

(please come dive in puddles with me)

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